


Hercules's List of Reminders

by Semoka



Series: Hercules Angst Series [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex John and Laf don't realize until it's too late, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angstfest, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Hercules, Herc just wants to be a better datemate even though they perf, Hercules-centric, Multi, Self-Harm, There's a lot of angst in this, no one dies tho it's aight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semoka/pseuds/Semoka
Summary: He called it ‘Reminders’ then started the note. 
Reminders- No beanies(?)
Every day for a week after, Hercules didn’t wear a beanie as an experiment. Everyday, Alexander would greet him with a kiss and a ruffle to the hair if Herc was sitting. Laf and John both commented on liking his hair exposed more. By Monday, the question mark was gone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ALL ABOARD THE ANGST TRAIN!! CHOOOO CHOOOO
> 
> ( i wrote this at midnight and im relying on grammarly for edits if i miss something please tell me )

Hercules can pinpoint the day he became a better boyfriend. His boyfriends can pinpoint the same day as the day they wished they’d caught Hercules before he fell.

 

It started on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in March. “I wish you wouldn’t wear so many beanies.” Alex had said. Casual. “Then I can’t mess with your hair.”    
  
At the moment, Herc just smiled and took off his beanie. Let Alex mess with his short curls. Later, however, when his lovers were asleep Hercules opened a new notes file on his phone. He called it ‘Reminders’ then started the note. 

_  
_ _ Reminders _

 

  * __No beanies(?)__



 

 

Every day for a week after, Hercules didn’t wear a beanie as an experiment. Every day, Alexander would greet him with a kiss and a ruffle to the hair if Herc was sitting. Laf and John both commented on liking his hair exposed more. By Monday, the question mark was gone.

 

~o0o~

 

On a windy Sunday in March when Herc suddenly went from he to they in the middle of a Pokemon go adventure with John. Nothing triggered it, really, they just felt the change.    
  
“Hey, babe?” They asked, urging John to look up from his phone. “I’m they now.”    
  
John raised an eyebrow at them. “We only left the house a few minutes ago and you were he. What changed?”    
  
Herc felt their chest tighten. Were they annoying John with their gender bullshit? He didn’t sound annoyed, just concerned, but they knew they could be confusing. They knew it wasn’t always the best situation, and it was probably annoying to their boyfriend to be constantly switching pronouns because Herc can’t get their shit together. Maybe they should just...settle.    
  
“Nothing, actually. Forget what I said. There’s a valor gym coming up, let’s piss off Alex.” They quickly changed the topic and John was easily distracted by the fun of taking over gyms.    
  
When they got home later, Lafayette kissed them and gently asked “Pronouns?” Herc decided to test their theory and answered “He.” They also answered ‘He’ every time after that for two weeks. They dressed masculine every day, forcing themselves not to pack on ‘She’ days and relearning how not to correct people. By the third week, his boyfriends didn’t bother to ask anymore. 

 

It was a Friday night in April, and their whole friend group was over for pizza. “Hey, Herc?” Peggy suddenly asked after the silence of people starting to eat. “What are you pronouns, by the way?”    
  
“He,” John answered for him, and that settled it. The next day, Hercules put all their skirts and dresses in a box and dropped it off at a goodwill center.  They added something to their growing list. 

 

_ Reminders _

 

  * __No Beanies__


  * _Don’t get out of bed first_


  * _Make more scarves for John_


  * _Don’t try to hold Laf’s hand in public_


  * _You’re a guy and only a guy._



 

 

~o0o~

 

It’s a rainy Monday afternoon in April when Hercules first find a new way to make his lovers happy, only they can never know about it. 

 

He got the idea after a fight between him and John. John got in another bar fight, and since Herc was the designated driver, he took them all home as soon as possible. Alexander and Lafayette went to bed the moment they saw the bedroom door, leaving him patching up John in the bathroom.    
  
“I wish you wouldn’t do this,” Hercules mumbled quietly.    
  
“Tell guys in bars to stop being jackasses then,” John responded harshly. He was looking up so he didn’t notice the way Hercules tensed.    
  
“I just don’t like seeing you hurt. It hurts me.” Herc finished cleaning out the cut on John’s hand from where a bottle cut through and moved on to wrapping it.    
  
“Well, maybe I want to be hurt sometimes.” It doesn’t at all mean what Hercules interprets it as. John meant that he likes the thrill of the fight, and a little pain won’t stop him.    
  
Hercules interpreted it as a new thing to make his boyfriends happy.    
  


John goes to bed after his hand is wrapped. He doesn’t see it when Hercules grabs the small knife from the first-aid kit. He doesn’t see it when Hercules smiles as he cuts into his upper thigh. He doesn’t hear it when Hercules whispers to the empty bathroom “They’ll be happy if I do this.”    
  
None of them notice it the next morning after annoyed, hangover comments of “You talk too much” and “Don’t touch me right now” form two more additions on the list. 

 

_ Reminders _

 

  * __No Beanies__


  * _Don’t get out of bed first_


  * _Make more scarves for John_


  * _Don’t try to hold Laf’s hand in public_


  * _You’re a guy and only a guy._


  * _Add a new cut for each time you make them unhappy_


  * _Don’t speak unless spoken too_



 

 

Hercules experiments again as he always does. He slowly trains himself to stop talking unless someone else starts the conversation. He slowly trains himself to stop being so clingy and always touching his boyfriends and instead doesn’t touch unless they touch him first. 

 

They don’t mention it. 

 

He thinks he's doing something right.

 

~o0o~

 

It’s a beautiful Tuesday morning in May when Hercules becomes single again.

 

Alex, John, and Lafayette sat him down and explained through tears that he just wasn’t the Hercules they fell in love with. Hercules didn’t cry. Barely even emoted. Just stood, quietly said “I’ll come when you guys aren’t here to get my things.” and walks out of the door.    
  


A new list is made, the old one never touched again.

 

_ Reminders _

 

  * __You’re a piece of shit failure of a boyfriend who never deserved them anyway.__



 

 

~o0o~

 

It’s a quiet Tuesday afternoon in May when Lafayette screams for his boyfriends. They run into the room to find him clutching a phone. Alexander recognizes it as Hercules and freezes. Lafayette is sobbing and shoves the phone at John when he moves to comfort him.    
  
On the screen is the list. 

 

John’s face goes from fear to extreme sadness as he reads every word. He’s crying too by the time he sees the new list at the bottom. Alex reads it next and they spend the next hour crying.    
  
That’s how Hercules finds them when he realizes he left his phone and goes back for it. He freezes in the doorway, looking panicked.

 

“You should have told us,” Lafayette says in a broken whimper, holding his phone out. Hercules falls to his knees, suddenly weak. 

  
“We never wanted this, Herc.” Alex whispers face hidden in his hands.

 

It’s John who crawls over to Herc. Who kisses him sweetly. Who wipes his tears away. “Baby girl, we’re going to work through this.” The nickname hasn’t been said in too long. “You’re not a piece of shit, baby, you’re far from it. I love you.” 

 

Alex is suddenly at Herc’s side. “I love you two.” He whispers, kissing Hercules’s cheek.

 

“I love you three!” Lafayette announces with hope in his voice and a loving smile.    
  


There’s a pause. The room is silent until Herc lets out a sob and falls into John’s arms. Alex leans against him, and Lafayette comes over finally to rub Herc’s back.    
  
“I love you four.” Herc chokes out finally.    
  
They all go to bed together that night, wrapped around each other. 

 

The next morning, Hercules is woken with kisses. When Lafayette quietly asks “Pronouns?” on their way out the door while Alex slides a beanie on, Hercules has to force herself to answer honestly. 

 

“She, today...but if you wanna keep using he tha-” She’s cut off a kiss to her lips, forehead, and shoulder simultaneously. 

  
“Nope. You’re our girl today. Our beautiful, gorgeous girl.” Alex states and Hercules hasn’t felt this free in a while. 

 

~o0o~

 

It’s a sunny morning in August. The happy square walks out of a diner holding hands. Hercules has a pink beanie on, that matches their pink skirt. They’re holding Laf’s hand while talking animatedly with the other.    
  
They still hesitate when going for a hug sometimes. They still sometimes answer he when they don’t mean it. They still sometimes stare at the scars on their legs and want to make new ones. 

 

That’s okay though.

 

They’re making progress and becoming the old Hercules again. They’ve got their boyfriends supporting them every step of the way as well.

And honestly? To them, that’s all that matters.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Mwahahhaahhahaha >:3 At least I ended it happy. It could have been worse. 
> 
> Comments are always loved, kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> Messaging me on Tumblr @semoka will literally make me cry, just sayin


End file.
